I cried the most with his call, well, after his call.

It surprised me . . . him calling me, my tears, the way he sighed and was silent for a moment when those tears started welling up in my throat and he knew I was trying not to cry while we were talking. Then the tears after while sitting in my back yard playing with my new kitten, friends sitting with me, helping me through it.

I realized that it was hard for him to call, to talk to a women. I had mistaken his shyness for indifference, but I liked him any way. I loved his wild curly hair and big dark eyes filled with light. the way he could make me laugh and feel warm inside. I loved the profoundness that came out of his heart and soul through his lips when he talked. I loved his little boy heart; big, true, and honest, and of course shyly open; the gentleness there. I found it hard to believe that he has an anger problem, but I know it�s there even though he never showed it to me.

Still I think about him and still the tears flow. I guess I felt I was letting him down by my decision, and I didn�t really know how or why, but I felt that there between the words we were saying; I think I felt a lot of things in between those words . . . . hum. Yes, it surprised me, him calling me, words left unspoken; that he cared.

Yesterday morning a song was left on my answering machine . . . . .

�Pretty baby, baby won�t you please come home.

Pretty baby, baby won�t you please come home.�

and I thought of him once again and that surprised me too. I am confused and scared and I am not sure where my home will be, yet I take in a big breath and remember to breathe while letting the tears fall where they may, thankful that I can once again feel. Then again, I take another step forward through the tears, trying to find home.

For: R.P.

The First Step Inn

My Fotolog

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