So, what do I know about today?..... Not as much as I�d like to. . . . hum.

It started out okay, I got up, walked a mile to Bridget�s house. Messed around with her and then took her to the school bus. A kiss good-buy and then I walked to the bank. I put a deposit in and then started my mile walk back home. It was cold, and even though I had gloves on Winter was bitting at my hands.

Some where along my walk I started crying, yes, that�s right, crying. This is where I started going in and out of my day as the fog banked and reseeded for most of the rest of my day. In and out I have drifted with the tide of my mind. Now I am trying to piece it all together, and I am not so sure I like the pieces I have found.

I notice their is a new drawing up here..... hum, that explains a lot. She has been telling me about this drawing for about a month now, due to the Paxil I have been able to put her off; well until today any way. The problem being is that it is up, and their is this receipt from the copy store. I can�t find the copy and my writing box was open with the stamps taken out. I am hoping it was mailed to Orlando, who she likes a lot and not to who I think it was mailed to. I imagine in a few days I will know one way or the other.

This all would have to happen right before I see Dr. McDavid.... shit. Because if the copy didn�t go to Orlando then I will get a phone call or a phone call will be made to Dr. McDavid telling him about the copy, I wouldn�t have mentioned it, or I don�t think I would. So where did all this begin as I am sure I�ll find out where it will end.

I think Last night. I was printing out photo�s of my Mother and real Father and putting them in real nice frames. These were to be Christmas presents for family and friends and I needed to get it done as some have to be mailed. I was a little tired and a little sad. I also noticed I was grateful when I was done printing out the photo of my real Father though I tried to feel nothing while I was doing the printing. . . . I just got to where I didn�t want to look at him any more if the truth be known.

I went to bed leaving some of the boxes unwrapped. Had a lot of chest pain before I fell asleep, though it was not like I was going to have a major anxiety attack or anything like that. I just had chest pain. The Paxil seems to work well in stopping my attacks as I have not had one since the first week I started taking it.

Then I realized that it may have all started this week end. With comments left by Orlando and thus me writing about it all over a few days. Yes, I believe it started their. Nothing he said was bad or anything like that, it just got me thinking and feeling, that�s all; thinking and feeling. Can�t find anything wrong with that. So I think I am going through the Mom-Michael-Christmas-seeing-Dr. McDavid-class-will-be-starting-soon-thing. That�s what I�ve come up with so far any way, now if I could just come up with that copy..... cause I don�t think I�m up for that much thinking and feeling, depending on where it is of course; or where it may have gone.

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