2003-03-16 - 6:08 a.m.
Volcanocam
Ok, now Candora's link will be 2 before this------
You know after I found myself curled up in a ball on the floor, with this un-beliveable pain in my chest I wanted to grab my cell phone, dial your number and just scream STOP! JUST STOP IT! JUST STOP WITH THE WORDS!!!!! I thought about throwing this iMac out the window, but I'm in the basement, and there is this thing called the law of gravity, and it really does work; not to mention I'd have to lift it up to the window for it to only drop about and inch to the ground. I think it would make it through that move. Then I thought "Well I could just cram it down his throat!!! But then there is the whole plain ticket thing, and security checks and I don't think the iMac would fit under the seat, and then I'd probably end up in Jail in FL for killing you because you couldn't breath with a iMac shoved down your throat and it would be all over the papers and Bridget is getting good at reading, and the kids at school would taunt her about her wacked out Auntie Missa and . . . . getting real is a hard thing to do, opening up the heart all the way is soooooo God Damn painful and your words rip and claw at mine (or so it feels like that, because I am fighting myself), and that link to NEB, that was it "ball on the floor" time. Christ how long have I been up? Why am I up? Why am I doing this? Is this trip really nessary? WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!!!
I am afraid to let him go my first and only love, because what if I NEVER find something like that again/ and yet what happens if I don't give him up? Christ it was so everything. . . . everything, so everything. When it was done, the words stopped, I stopped them; and you did bring them back rather you want to believe it or not Candora and I'm mad, and angery, yet full of respect and love and a lot of confusion; and the roller coaster just keeps going and going and part of me wants to get off! JUST GET OFF! Getting real isn't all it's cracked up to be at the moment so: "I think I'll go away today, and come and play another day." Annie
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