What can I say really….. again, moving sucks! I am excited about moving, just not all you have to do before you get moved. Today was about books, yes it was; lots and lots of books. I hate getting rid of books, but it had to be done as I have a book buyer coming over Thursday. I love my books but now there are 14 boxes of books in my living room waiting for the buyer to hopefully take them away. I packed 7 boxes for me to keep. That just made me let out a big sigh. Books and music are the hardest things for me to sell. Not selling anymore CD’s I did that a few months ago, can’t take selling any more. I guess I’m kind of selling my old life for my new one and it feels kind of funny people going through my old self, my old things; harder then when they went through my Mother’s stuff all most a year ago now. Yes Mom will have passed away a year ago this coming Sunday, strange week for me all ready; my life in boxes, endings and beginnings.

My anxiety level has been rising the last few months until a call to Dr. McDavid got the response from him to raise my medication just until September when things will calm down. Too much going on at once I guess and even though most of it is good I guess my brain just decided to rebel. Good things are stressful too, especially when you are not use to so many good things happening, and all at once. I know: “Poor little match girl.” I’ll calm down sooner or later.

Group was hard for me, anxiety level went pretty high and I had to spend a lot of time doing my breathing. We also moved to the big room now as there are so many coming to group now. The lights were too bright, but there were tables, and I just ended up laying my head down. Group Leader asked is she could pick on me a little to use as an example for something we were doing (to tell you the truth I don’t remember what it was) and I just said: “That probably wouldn’t be a good idea today,” so she didn’t use me. It was a good group session though and I stayed after and talked with people for about 2 hours. It’s hard to go and yet I think about not going when I start my job…. I will miss it and the wonderful people in it greatly. There’s that endings and beginnings thing again. Hum…

There are some I want to get to know better so I can stay in touch with them after I start working. Four or Five of the women and one man. There is also a young man that talks to me a lot and I enjoy talking with him, he is super intelligent and we both do computer art. I am a little confused about the one man, don’t really know what is going on with him, but I do know I would really like to get to know him and find him very interesting. He is the one where our paths have crossed several times in the last few years, and lives by me. He is also the one who some what set up me getting this new computer. For some reason I get kind of shy around him, and he seems to be shy so it makes it kind of hard. We can talk to each other okay in group, but when he has walked me to the bus tunnel I feel real stupid and don’t know what to say. I often wonder what the hell is wrong with me! I am usually not a shy person… okay I have NEVER been a shy person, but here I find myself in shy land. I don’t know what to do with shyness or him.

I’d like to just spend a day with him at the lake, laying around talking, reading, but I can’t say that to him and I don’t know how he feels about all this either. He would be a nice friend to have and pal around with.

So any way this is what has been going on here…. I have also been working on my Bonsai so they will be stable by the time I move; my little escape from the insanity of moving my life in boxes from a house I have been living in for 24 years.

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