I got a lovely reminder that I have not updated and what the hell happened from the babe of Dland. My goodness so much has been going on since my last entry.... I’ve been taking on all those lions and tigers and bears (in my head mostly) and not doing too bad with it. And yes, I have been enjoying life a lot.

So here goes.......

Child Haven did not call back. I go to work at the infant day care in September. I decided to chill about it and spend one last summer with Bridget and that means I can still go to group over the summer. I felt this was best for me. (yes, I really wrote “best for me”) I have now hit level 3 the relationship/ friendship level and even though I don’t think so at times it is a good thing.

I now only have to see Dr. McDavid every 6 weeks! Cool! I have had 2 bouts of flash backs since I hit level 3.... this is a hard one for me folks.. but I did not have any destructive thoughts or actions, nor did I disassociate nor loose time. I just dealt with it. I am to do “Trust After Trauma” by Matsakis over the summer, go to group, do the group homework and as Dr. McD wrote in my patient instructions: continue doing what you are doing, you are doing great!

I did have my time in group, wasn’t bad at all and really not as bad as I thought it would be. Got lot’s of hugs after. I only shook a little was totally open, honest, and vulnerable. I’m not saying it wasn’t painful for me .... wow was it painful, but I did it, faced the fear, and it turned out real well. It was all about why I am having trouble letting new people into my life with one person in particular.

Well rather I like it or not.... he’s in my life! Oh yea. He is not letting me do my little hieing things, won’t offer his email, comes up at starts talking, walks with me not to the bus tunnel, we take the same bus if we are going home. Came over last Monday too, I had an extra printer that I had offered him as he has changed to Mac’s and this one works well with Mac’s. Okay I was nervous as hell! But he came with a friend and that helped out a little. Hubby who is never home was due to the flu. That was interesting. Of course he assumed my friend was a boyfriend and thought he should be able to have his girlfriend over..... well I don’t think that will happen ever, it’s is my house.

My friends friend offers me a better iMac...... he fixes them up I guess and gives them away to people who need them...... I look at my friend sitting on my bed and he says: “yes he really means it.” Well knock me over with a feather! You see I need a better computer I have to crash this one at least 4 times a week! A computer is important to me due to my writing and now my art work. I can’t afford a new one or a used one, and I need a mac due to the art and photography. I had just resided myself to the fact that it wasn’t going to happen as going back to work would be for paying some stuff off and moving out of here and living on.
That was nice of my friend to set that up.... but it really takes me out of my comfort zone, he seems to take me out of my comfort zone a lot! I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, just so many good things that are taking me out of my comfort zone my head sort of spins around a lot! Don’t worry I don’t need a priest.... yet. So if I start hurling split pea soup at you....due run away! I due check my tongue every day and so far it looks like my tongue. I’ll keep you posted.

I feel alive again and I am laughing a lot.... God that’s nice as I love to laugh. Had a strange day with Bridget yesterday but I want to put that up in its own entry, cause I found some stuff out that all parents should know and anyone who takes care of kids, real hard scary stuff going on in grade schools now, shocked the shit out of me and Ellen. So I will leave that for later, Ellen is coming over and I need to have some dinner. Hope the 4th is great for ya, but I will try to get that up before. Life is good here in Annie’s Insanity.... yes, life is good and getting better and yea I have happy tears in my eyes and a nice smile on my face.

(but if my husband tell’s me about his roids one more time, I am going to remove them for him!)

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