As you can tell... I really haven’t felt like writing here or anywhere. Bad month for me, now any way, with the memories recovered last year. Confused about a lot of things right now.... really confused. More depressed then anything else... spacey. Can’t do the bad thing cause then I’d have to tell Dr. McDavid that I did or lie to him; I don’t like to lie and don’t do it very often.

So I haven’t been sleeping. The pollen here is brutal, that’s not helping and I have been doing as little as possible and living on chocolate (like I can really afford that). Maxx was over today and we played around with this (flash needed). That was fun and a good distraction. Had a girls night out last night, dinner and then shopping, can’t really afford that but Ellen paid for dinner and I didn’t find anything I couldn’t live with out. I did get Bridget a little jacket and she was the one who scored in the shopping department! We three had fun even though I was a little off.

Mostly I have been writing letters and using music as a major distraction. I can see what some of my birthday money is going to be spent on (yea here comes 45), their are a lot of great new songs out and I want a bunch! So I’ll keep using the music and try to get some sleep. I want....

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