So 9/11 came and went . . . I put something up even though I didn�t really care for it, it was the best I could do for now. I had a session with Michael that morning downtown. I wasn�t doing too bad until I started coming up from the bus tunnel and saw the sky scrapers . . . then I felt a stabbing pain in my heart and breathing became tough. All the flags at half mask, gravity works; all the people going home; a major recall. It was a hard day, two years ago and suddenly my life that had become insane wasn�t so important compared to the mass exodus of souls in all shapes and sizes, colors, and beliefs. I still can�t really talk about it verbally, maybe I never will be able to.

My session went well, real well. We seem to be able to just get down to it now. I don�t get mad when he comes at me from a psychological point of view, it�s ok, that�s how he has to do it. It�s kind of funny as he will state �Not denying you gifts Melissa, but from a psychological point of view I would say . . .�

He is a very nice person and is helping me a great deal and it�s just ok now and doesn�t bother me that he can�t relate to my gifts, but he never ignores them; and I am grateful for that.

Upon leaving Michael's office, I was going to have lunch with a friend down town but I found myself walking a different way. Not to where my friend was, up town not to the market and the waterfront. It was raining and I didn�t care, I love the rain. The wind kicked up and for a few moments I just put my face up into it and felt at peace. I kept walking and yet I wondered what was drawing me away from my waiting friend, and then I look up, way up, and there I saw my destination; The Bank of America Tower. It now has the distinction of being the tallest building in the United States. There it was, tall, sleek, and black; and I knew I was going up it. My anxiety level raised looking at it, but I just kept walking into the wind, feeling the coolness of the rain on my face; I just kept walking to it.

I went up to the 40th floor, there you have to get out and walk to another elevator and that one will take you to the 73 floor where the observation deck is. Ok I did know the building swayed from side to side, I didn�t know the elevators did that also as they were making the vertical climb. I dealt with it and reached my destination. I didn�t have to pay the $5.00 as you couldn�t see a damn thing! I was now in the clouds that had been releasing all that rain on me. I did make the mistake of looking down . . . not thrilled about that but I could see the city I love when I looked that way. I didn�t look long. I went back down the swaying elevators glad to have my feet back on the ground and you know what . . . . I felt just fine thank you, I felt just fine. Only a few tears escaped my eyes and I let them just run down my face, I didn�t wipe them away. I walked back to the tunnel, got on a bus, and went home; my mission was done. This is what I did on 9/11, I left the ground for only a few moments so I could see beyond the pain of the day. that�s what I needed to do and that is what I wanted to do, it really was ok.

I started a new class this Monday also, and It is so freaking cool! It is a method of breathing from the Transformational Breath Foundation and it is unbelievable! You really have to try it if you can find a class where you live! With all the things I have looked into or studied in the spiritual or New Age this is the thing that has �clicked� for me and I have only had one class! It was really painful at first as emotional things can come out and my breath of course was getting stuck around my heart, but my instructor Dave Merrill was very patience and helpful, and my experience was then beautiful. I felt so great after too! I have been doing it every day and writing down the things I see and or feel, IT IS SO COOL! I really want to learn more about it, I guess that should be I really �have� to learn more about it.

People at my home group and friends and even Michael have noticed and said about how calm I am and how much more happy I am ect.. I do feel better and am determined to keep going forward even if some don�t like that or it scares them that I am getting stronger in myself. Things are finally starting to come together for me and I am just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other to become and do what God wants me to, even if there are some people in my life that deep inside would like to stop my progress; sooner or later I know, they will drift away into there fears and insecurities and cult mentality, they wanted my soul and that�s mine and no one takes that away from me.

My Fotolog

The First Step Inn

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